One day I was looking at videos on YouTube…I pretty regularly look at what is going on in the hip-hop community and throughout the country in general. Anyway, so I was watching some interviews of different secular artist and laughing at the ignorance, braggadocio and pride, when suddenly I felt myself becoming… jealous. That’s right, I admit it, I was jealous. I was looking at their ‘ice’, all the tailor made suits, the huge studios that they worked in and I was jealous. Let me make something clear. Although I am Christian, I am still human and I struggle with sin. I get upset sometimes when I think they get the best tracks, engineers, marketing, promotion, TV stations and packaging. All this to promote sin, while I struggle and struggle to record and get a good mix, then I got no money to let anyone know about it!
As I was sitting there hating and getting angry, the Lord brought a passage to my memory: Psalm 73:2-3. It reads like this, “But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” That is what I felt and as I continued to read, it described me to a ‘T’. The passage goes on to talk about the writer was ‘jealous of their freedom’. Verses 12 and 13 (same chapter) hit me like a ton of bricks: “Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches. All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence.”
This is what I felt growing up and this is what I felt right at that moment: “I’m wasting my time being young and unashamed. I don’t get to go to parties, I don’t kick it with the most popular people and they don’t appreciate my music because it is about Christ.” Honestly, this is something I have struggled with my whole life, BUT then verse 17-19… “until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin. How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors!”
I was broken while reading this. They may have the appearance of being joyous and content, but in the end, they will be destroyed. I had to ask myself, “Is that what I really want? For God himself to make me fall into ruin, destroyed in a moment?” I was reminded the things they have are fleeting and they never satisfy! Verse 25 summed it up by saying, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.” I had to pray (and still continue to) to be completely satisfied in him, to desire him above all the things the HE created. Sure, I would like to be rich. Sure, I would like to be on TV and other things, but the greatest place for me to be is where my desire is for the King and Him alone.
Verse 26 says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” I pray this for you as well, that you would get to a place where God would be your portion. Understand that while certain things make look attractive, they are not eternal and the people that chase them over Christ, will be swept away in a moment. I pray we get to the place where we desire God above all else, and cherish him as the King that He is. If you have a moment, I would strongly encourage you to read Psalm 73 on your own time and examine yourself. See if you need to repent and/or pray to the Father about wrong desires in your heart. I know that I had to and that I still have to, but I thank God that he reminds me over and over that He alone is worthy…that HE alone is glorious and nothing I can attain will ever compare to Him.
Written by: Katalyst
For more information on Katalyst: www.katalyst-music.com/