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Warped Thinking?

Published on August 8, 2011

Today, while searching the net, I ran across an article that talked about the over aged bachelor.  The article says, women are becoming more and more weary of men who are thirty-five and over with no ‘history’ of commitment or relationship capabilities because it’s hard for them to determine if he is truly ready and willing to have a serious relationship. These women believe, he is either a) secretly selfish and definitely not ready to divide the pie with a wife and kids b) not really interested in getting married or having a family at all or c) not 100% sure of his sexuality.

How crazy does that sound? If a man is selfish and not ready to divide his pie with a wife and kids, he’s doing the right thing by remaining single.  There is no room for selfishness in marriage.  Smart man if you ask me.  Why get married if you’re not ready to be all in 100%? And questioning his sexuality is ludicrous.

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If you understand the nature of men in the space of relationships and marriage, you ought to know that men decide to get married.  Until he decides, he’s focused on his life and having as much non-committal fun as he can.  His age is not a factor until he wakes up single at sixty.

I respect a man who doesn’t have kids outside of marriage as a matter of fact, that’s what I’d prefer.  In my mind, a man is a total winner if he has no kids and excessive baggage from a string of failed relationships.   While relationships provide experience, if they’re bad relationships that have all ended in major heartache and emotional pain, he can become jaded and bitter and who wants to deal with that?

I believe its smart to remain completely single and detached while going on dates and having lots of conversations.    Preserving yourself for that special woman is an excellent idea.  Remember, you don’t have to have a committed relationship with everyone you meet to get to know them better.  “Getting to know you” can be done over a series of dates.  When your mind is clear, when you’re not jaded and when your heart is healed and emotions whole, you can make the best relationship choices.

Our thinking is so warped at times…three years ago on a visit back home to the Bahamas; one of my male friends boldly asked me if I was gay because he couldn’t understand why I’m single and childless.  He wanted to know what was wrong with me.  Why does something have to be wrong? I’m not gay.  I simply haven’t met the man God created for me.  When I meet him, I will know.  Until then, I will remain completely single and detached.

So, what say you? Is it a red flag for you if a man is over thirty five and childless? Do you think  something is wrong with him if he has no history of committed relationships? Does it mean he’s not able to commit? Are there other ways to test a man’s ability to commit besides a string of previous relationships?


Yvonne Chase is a Dating & Relationship Coach to Singles and Pre-Committed Couples.  Visit her website to learn more.

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