How do you fight like a Christian?

How do you face conflict in a godly manner, showing love to edify?

In a time when everyone is offended and having a different opinion is taboo, disagreeing with anyone, let alone a friend, can be problematic. 

The past few weeks, social media has been abuzz with the back and forth between Dee-1 and Lecrae on the Ratchet vs Righteous discussion- with fans taking opposing sides, but the issue amicably resolved. 

The merits of the arguments notwithstanding, the whole affair lends itself to a teachable moment for all of us, and that is how to fight well.

Despite what the world thinks, there is a proper way to resolve issues and come out with both egos and friendships intact. 

Let’s go to the word.

What do Christians believe about fighting?

For the most part, Christians feel that we have to be in a state of perpetual niceness.

Many quote the teachings of Jesus expressly telling us to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39), yet conflict is inevitable, and we must learn to navigate those waters.

While we may seem to behave “nicely” to those we are in contention with, that may not reflect the actual position of our heart, and we run the risk of being two-faced.

Not a good look for a Christ follower.

Psalms 28:3 warns us that workers of iniquity are those “who speak peace to their neighbors, but evil is in their hearts.”

Instead, we should restore those who have transgressed “in a spirit of gentleness” (Galatians 6:1), careful not to fall into the temptation of the evil one by doing the opposite.

How to fight like a Christian

Not everyone knows how to fight, and those who do, don’t always fight fair, but you were called to be holy and righteous, so you should fight according to the rules of heaven, not those of this world. 

But how? 

1. By using discernment.

It takes two tango, and not every fight is worth having. 

Our lives are complex and messy, and the world doesn’t revolve around you despite what you think. 

Your friends, co-workers, or family members may be dealing with demons you know nothing about, and that off comment or post- had nothing to do with you. 

Before you confront them, use discernment to lead you. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us not to lean on our understanding and to trust the Lord with all our heart. 

Put that friend before God, reminding yourself of their true nature, and ask Him to impress on you the truth of the situation and give you clarity. 

Let him guide your steps and your words so that your issues may be resolved.

2. By overcoming doubts and fears with the truth.

Although it is true that you should not fight over many things, there are instances where a confrontation is due. 

In this world, our faith is continuously bombarded and tested- and we find ourselves falling into the trap the enemy has for us. 

When we see brothers or sisters entangled in sin, we must bring them back (James 5:19) by encouraging them with the Word of God. Dispelling doubts and fears and taking down strongholds that hold them captive (Corinthians 10:5).

Unfortunately, this is where a lot of contention comes in between us, that others don’t agree with our point of view, which is why discernment is so necessary and why you should take that step first. 

3. By making peace your goal.

Making a peaceful argument is hard when you feel personally wronged or offended, but Romans 12:18 says, “As far as it’s possible for you, live in peace with everyone.”

That is especially true if you are coming to someone you think is at fault. The tongue is a powerful weapon and should be used delicately to bring others to a peaceful resolution. 

Likewise, if you are confronted, the Bible says you should be “swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath” (James 1:19). 

It takes courage to speak truth to anyone but just as much to face it. Assume that whoever speaks to you has good intentions, and let peace reign in the conversation. 

4. By keeping your counsel.

This is a toughy- we tend to want to vent our grievances to others, but the Bible points us to a better way. 

Matthew 18:15 says, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’”

Talk about putting a kibosh to he said-she said!

The argument between Dee-1 and Lecrae occurred on a global platform because that’s where it began. But during the hub bub, the two made it a point to talk one-on-one, which may be one of the reasons it ended well. 

While the rest of us are not likely to see that kind of exposure, many of us know how damaging it can be when a disagreement escapes the confines of those having it. It can sour the sweetest congregations and lead to cancerous resentments. 

Resist the temptation to air your hurts to others, and choose wisely those you confide in because while you may have good intentions, others may not.

5. And by loving your neighbor.  

Both men were honest and sincere about their points of view- expressing the posture of their hearts and the intention behind their words. 

It was refreshing to see two men disagreeing in such a matter-of-fact way, not reducing to insults or name-calling but merely not seeing eye-to-eye. 

Perhaps it was the posture of Dee-1’s objection that set the tone. He was coming to his friend, someone he respected and loved, and laid out why he felt as he did. 

Ephesians 4:15 says, “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head- Christ-”

Dee-1 was not just showing his love for God but for his fellow believer in speaking truth to his friend. 

Likewise, we must cover our differences in love and take the result for what it is: iron, sharpening iron. 

Do not be Quarrelsome

It’s hard to resist a feud between celebrities, especially regarding a controversial topic such as this.

Fortunate for us, despite the subject matter, both men showed a tremendous amount of grace and forbearance for one another- both of which we should strive to emulate when conflict knocks on our door. 

Their examples remind us that even when we don’t agree in all things as believers, maintaining respect and love can lead to a constructive resolution. 

Let’s take the words of 2 Timothy 2:24 and not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone -shining the truth of Christ into the darkness and letting His love conquer all.