A Word to Grieving Moms by Ashley Opliger

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

            and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

I passed out notecards and pens to a group of grieving moms gathered in a circle inside the Little Blue Barn. I instructed everyone to write down words that came to mind when they thought of the word grief.

I asked, “What does grief look like in your life? What does it feel like?” Pens scribbled away, and one by one, they read their answers out loud:

Pain. Loss. Suffering. Sadness. Crying. Disorienting. Darkness. Disappointment. Unpredictable. Never-ending. Drowning. Heavy. Longing. Lonely. Overwhelming. Roller coaster. Waves. Deep. Empty. Broken. Heartache. Numbing. Isolating. Anxiety. Depression. Uncontrollable. Sorrow. Shattered. Hollow. Absence. Consuming. Unraveling. Lost. Nightmare. Inescapable. Despair. Agony.

With each word spoken, we nodded in agreement: Yes, this is what grief feels like. But what is grief? Is it solely a collection of these distressing feelings, or is there more to it than meets the eye—or heart?

On the surface, grief feels like pain. But when you peel back its layers, you will uncover its true source: love. Grief is a deep sorrow expressing love for someone you cherish who is no longer with you. The words we shared were the symptoms of grief, not the source. I’ve heard it stated this way: “Grief is the last act of love we give to our loved one. Where there is deep grief, there is great love.”^[i]

The day Bridget was born into Heaven was both the best and worst day of my life. Though I was overwhelmed with sadness over her death, the prevailing emotion I felt while holding her was love—the unconditional, all-consuming love of a mother.

Holding my sweet girl in her cradle and kissing her tiny lips was one of the best moments of my life. Yet, I was heartbroken holding her lifeless body and seeing death take its toll on her. My love and sorrow for her were so intricately intertwined that I couldn’t tell where one emotion started and the other ended. I am sure you’ve felt this too.

We grieve because we first loved. Simply put, grief is the price we pay for love, but it is a cost worth counting. The only way to avoid grief is never to love anyone—to walk through life without getting attached to people. Obviously, this is no way to live, especially as parents.

God has given us natural instincts to love, protect, and nurture our children. When we lose a child, grieving is how we love, protect, and nurture their memory since we cannot love, protect, and nurture them in the flesh. Our grief affirms the value of our baby’s life and validates the magnitude of our loss.

“Grief is just love with no place to go. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot.^”[ii] This quote echoes the sentiment that grief is an instinctual response of loving and then losing. Two tiny pink lines appeared, and your heart instantaneously held a lifetime of love for your baby. As God began to knit their sweet body in your womb, you were eternally bonded to your baby as their mother.

But where does your love for them go when they die? How do you love your baby when they’re in Heaven and you’re still on earth? I understand why some people feel grief is love with no place to go, but I would beg to differ. Our love does have a place to go.

Your love for your baby is not lost, nor is your baby lost. Your baby is in Heaven, and one day, Jesus will reunite you with them. Because of Him, your love for your baby never has to end. During this time of temporary separation, loving your baby will look different than you had expected or hoped. But there are many fulfilling ways you can express your love for your baby while you wait to hold them in your arms in Heaven.

The grief of a mother is powerful because love is powerful. If channeled for good and God’s glory, your love for your child holds the tremendous power to change you and the world. But first, you need to give yourself permission to grieve—even if it has been months or even years since your baby went to Heaven.

I will show you how to find a physical place to take your grief, but really the secret is in finding the perfect Person to meet you there. If we need to find somewhere for our love to go, we have found our answer in Jesus, whois the ultimate source of love (1 John 4:16).

He created your baby and promises those who believe in Him that they will spend eternity with their babies in Heaven. Jesus also promises to hold you in your grief because He is Emmanuel, the God who is with us (Matthew 1:23). He has not left you; His presence is always with you.        

He is the Creator of your heart and the only One who knows how to put the shattered pieces back together. So, wherever you are in your grief journey, I encourage you to let Jesus sit with you in your sadness. He can relate to your suffering better than anyone else who has walked this earth. […] He is the conduit that carries my love arrows to Bridget. But unlike on earth, where our love tanks can sometimes feel empty, hers is always full. She is held by the Source of love, Jesus. So, friend, will you imagine Him cradling you in His loving arms as He cradles your baby in Heaven? Can you picture Him passing your love arrows to your baby?

Hear Him say to you, “Sweet daughter of Mine, I know you’re hurting, and I’m hurting with you. I’m here with you in your pain, and I will one day wipe away all your tears. I know you miss your baby so much. I am holding them now and will take good care of them until you arrive. I’m telling them about you—wonderful stories about their amazing momma. Don’t you worry, I’m giving them all My love and passing on your love too. I will reunite you with them soon. Until then, I’m never going to leave your side. I love you, My daughter. Will you sit with Me and let Me hold you for a while?”

Cradled In Hope by Ashley Opliger is out now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Baker Books House, Christianbooks.com and Target

To find out more about Ashley Opliger and her ministry, Bridget’s Cradle, please visit https://bridgetscradles.com/