5 Ways to Respond When a Loved One Walks Away From the Faith

Published on August 6, 2024

What do you do when a loved one walks away from the faith?

Seeing someone come to Christ can be such a momentous occasion; knowing their souls are safe in the Father’s hands brings joy and peace.

However, there are times when we see the same loved ones drift away from their initial fervor, and that same elation turns to heartbreak and, in the most dire circumstances, despair.

How do we come to terms with their decision when their changing worldwide contradicts our own?

Is it possible to keep the relationship when your common ground is shaken?

And how do you move forward with your loved one while maintaining peace?

Whether it’s a family member or a friend, it is never easy to see them struggle spiritually, which is why it is so important to handle these seasons of life with tact, wisdom, and hope.  

Here are five ways to respond and two things you must remember when a loved one strays. 

Why do loved ones walk away from the faith?

As with many things in life, answering this question is a complex journey, a puzzle that may never fully satisfy our search for the elusive ‘why?’

Jesus himself encountered disbelief among his followers (John 6:64-67) and saw many of the men he invested time in turning their backs on him.

Although there could be countless reasons for their departure, the primary cause can be traced to the condition of their hearts when presented with the gospel.

In Luke 8:5-8 Jesus spoke by the parable of the Sower:

And when a great multitude had gathered, and they had come to Him from every city, He spoke by a parable:  “A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell by the wayside; and it was trampled down, and the birds of the air devoured it. Some fell on rock, and as soon as it sprang up, it withered away because it lacked moisture. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up with it and choked it. But others fell on good ground, sprang up, and yielded a crop a hundredfold.” 

For those who remain in the faith, the seed of the gospel falls on solid ground and bears fruit. But for our friends and family members, the reason for their leaving could fall into one or more of the following:

  1. They fall away because of a lack of understanding. The gospels are very clear that the seed that falls by the wayside, or along the path, is snatched away by the evil one, “lest they should believe and be saved (Luke 8:12).” But Matthew 13:19 states explicitly it is when “anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it,” that this occurs. The enemy uses their lack of comprehension to rob them of the very truth that can set them free. 
  2. They fall away because they have no roots, and when the pressing comes, they buckle under its weight (Matthew 13:21). The sign of true conviction is a changed life. Because when the truth of Christ’s sacrifice touches the core of who you are, it sprouts roots and births the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). All of which help us weather trials and tribulations with hope. Those without this unshakeable belief will stop following Jesus when life’s troubles overtake them. 
  3. They fall away because the luster of the world chokes their belief. The Bible says there are those of us whose faith will be suffocated by the cares, riches, and pleasures of this world (Luke 8:14). In a time of rocketing food prices, a shortage of affordable housing, and a mental health crisis, the cares and anxieties of this world are many. And while Jesus offers a lighter yoke, His message is drowned out by the noise of business, escapism, drugs, and the limelight- the chaos too distracting to let good news be heard through the fray.

All that is said not to judge the lost, but to gain a deeper understanding of what led them to the condition they find themselves in today, and to offer them our empathy and understanding. This is our goal, our mission, and our duty as followers of Christ. 

What should you do when friends or family fall away?

While our loved ones’ spiritual walk is their own, before we do anything, there are a few things we must remember:

  1. Only God Can Covert. Many of us will take the conversion of our friends and family onto ourselves, which can result in an emotional reaction if they walk away from the faith. But Matthew 28:19-20 calls us to make disciples, not converts. Only God can do that (Ephesians 2:8). So take the weight of their belief, or lack thereof, off your shoulders, and place it at Christ’s feet. 
  2. God Is The Good Shepherd. In Matthew 10:27-28, Jesus reminds us that those of us who are His know His voice, and nothing will snatch us from His hand. That includes your loved ones, if their belief was genuine, nothing can separate them from the love of God  (Romans 8:38-39). 

How should Christians respond to someone who leaves the faith? 

It can feel hopeless seeing people in our lives walk away from God, but there are ways to respond which still reflect the light of Jesus in these difficult situations.  

  1. Empathize first. It’s easy for the wayward to feel judged by a congregation of followers, but that should not be your stand when speaking or interacting with your loved one. Remember, we have all sinned and fallen short (Romans 3:23); empathy doesn’t mean condoning sinful behavior. It is your ability as their friend to understand (or at least hear) their point of view. This keeps a level of connection with the faith and leaves the doors of communication open. 
  2. Don’t push. Resist the temptation to pressure them back into church life if they have expressed doubt. The real reasons for apostasy could be painful, such as unaddressed church hurt or, God forbid, abuse. Forcing religion can drive your friend further away. Rather than pursuing the religious route, reinforce the importance of a relationship with God. If the God conversation is completely out of the question, be content with being their soft place to land while they get their bearings. 
  3. Speak wisdom. You will be surprised how much your loved ones will seek you out if you do the above two things. For many we are the only Jesus they see, and perhaps the only sound voice in their lives. So when they come looking for a sounding board, or guidance, we can speak truth, faith and wisdom back into their lives.
  4. Answer with kindness. For some, part of the falling away is from lack of knowledge, or simply because no one has addressed their doubt to their satisfaction. Trying to find answers to Christianity’s most puzzling questions can lead a believer down the wrong path quickly–as charlatans, false prophets, and evil spirits compete for who gets to them first. If the opportunity comes up to instruct or dispel untruths. Do so with authority but in kindness. Knowing that as truth is revealed through you, seeds are being planted once again. 
  5. Pray without ceasing. The prayer of the righteous avails to much (James 5:16), so pray. Many people, even if they are unbelievers, are not opposed to being prayed for. Offer to pray for them often and plead to God day and night for those not walking with Him. Stand in the gap while they wrestle with the thorns of their life until the day they are delivered once again onto freedom. 

Keep The Lost Within Reach 

Living in community with those that defect from the faith, is not an easy matter to deal with.

We must navigate a fine line between maintaining a relationship with them without co-signing their decisions and potentially destructive behavior. This can leave us feeling like we don’t really have a choice, either them or the faith. 

But Jesus commanded, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34). 

And so we must. 

Pray without ceasing and love as Christ would; those who are near, but especially those who have turned their backs on God.

That by responding in kindness, empathy and wisdom, that we may shine the light of Christ in the darkness of their season and point the path back to Him. 

Always remembering that it is God who does the saving, we are just His hands and feet, keeping the lost within reach by showing them the love of Jesus. 

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